i used to be afraid. i lived in constant fear of measuring up, deserving, and failing. i had a checklist covering every aspect of life and what i thought it should look like. my checklist didn’t make sense. i was housebroken.
and one day, i woke up and realized i wanted more freedom.
so i left the promised ivory palace and set out to write my own story. i was rapunzel escaping my tower. and the world was new and bright and different than i’d always been told. but it was still frightening. i suppose the terror is what gives contrast. the shadows increase the sunshine. but i didn’t know that yet. i was frightened and i clung to any knight who would come around, regardless of the relative shine of his armor. these knights warned me how dangerous the world was, and told me i needed their protection.
but one day, i woke up and realized i didn’t want to be afraid.
so i handed back the lances, swords, and shields that were fencing me in. i asked the knights to go back to their tournaments. and i set off to face the dragons, the cliffs, and the monsters. i found they weren’t so bad. i found the real dangers were inside myself, and i began to face them. i met new characters on the way. jesters. kings. sorcerers. shopkeepers, millers, candlestick makers. heroes and villains. thieves and priests. i received new wounds along the way. some encounters ripped open old wounds. some brought me healing. i was still shaky on my own feet. i still hadn’t mastered my own protection.
and today, i woke up and realized i didn’t want to. today, i woke up and decided i wanted to learn how to trust.
so today, i put down my sword. i’ve carried it ever since i left my suffocating circle of protection. and today i’ll leave it at home. and i’ll find that i’m okay. because i’m not in distress. and i don’t need rescuing. not even by myself. today, i step out of the world of fairy tales and towers and dragons. today, i will just be in today.