people change. i’ve heard a lot of people lately tell me that they aren’t the person they used to be. i’ve even felt that way sometimes, like the person i met is a completely different version of who is standing in front of me. but i feel like there is an absolute truth of who we are. deep down inside of us, we are. like bill yonker says, we’re human be-ings, not human do-ings. we have an unchangeable identity. and not just an unchangeable identity as in, we are Christs, and he is unchanging and our identity is wrapped up in him. that is absolutely and beautifully true, but its too simple. we are not just robots, uniform clones who belong to a god. we are people. fearfully and wonderfully made. (psalm 139). no one is like another. we are beautifully individual. in revelation, it says that to the one who overcomes, god will give a new name, written on a white stone, known only to the one that receives it. (rev 2:17). there is an absolute true nature in us, apart from the confusion and conflict of the world, the uncertainty that surrounds us. one day, we’ll know that true self, completely, but for now, we’re stuck to struggle with it. but its not a struggle of becoming what we should be, but becoming ourselves. its not changing who we are, but becoming more who we have always been. no matter what changes we go through, what name we call ourselves by, what labels we wear, what life we lead, what places we go, our hearts don’t change.
god isnt a god of hopelessness. i refuse to believe that. sometimes i feel so so light, tossed around by every changing wind. but there is some part of me that will always stand firm, and its up to me whether i stand with it or not. but also, life is a journey and sometimes we are moving closer to christ, closer to our truth. sometimes, life seems right. at riverside, i always feel that. maybe i’m just feeling a little more that i’m living closer to the truth of my heart, of who i am. but a lot of the time, i feel like i am walking away. its overwhelming how much i mess up. but, even when i’m moving the wrong direction, i’m at least learning which way not to go. and thats something.