rain

i had to wade home tonight.  in my two block walk from the bus stop, my pants were soaked up to the thighs. i thought several times about just giving up, throwing away my umbrella and wholeheartedly embracing the rain.  but I was carrying library books.  and they had to be kept safe and dry.

how many things in my life am i holding on to that i have to protect?  that prevent me from embracing whatever life throws my way?  my ideas, my prejudices, my plans, my fears; things that keep me from being willing to dive in and make a mess of myself.  things that keep me responsible.

and is this bad or good?

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pb

dying to know myself and i’m not done dying yet
so please bear with me for a little while til i get right in the head

sitting in my apartment drinking hot cocoa (2 packets in 1 cup.  only way to do it)
i’m learning about knowing and not knowing and trusting and discovering
and being frustrated in the meantime
and its all really fine