Last night of Robin

I really really like things that Sam Harris says.  Especially out of context.  Like today:  “You don’t need to be beautiful.  You just need to be a little bit slutty.”

I went to the dentist today.  They started fixing my teeth.  Holla.  Except now my mouth is off center and I cant really do anything with one side of it.  I’ve never had a stroke, but minus all the other strokey stuff besides the droopy mouth, I imagine this is what it feels like.  And I have to go to class.  Awesome.

I’m frustrated with my body and sometimes I just dont know whats going on with it.  I’ve gained 3.5 pounds in the last week.  I never gain weight. I mean, of course I’ve gained some.  I wasn’t born five foot.  (You’re welcome , Mom).  But like, really…since about puberty…I’ve been this size.  Along with that goes the only major problem that I never lose weight either.  Which was fine when I never gained.  Buuuuuttttttt really, when I’ve been going to the gym regularly (I deserve a gold medal for it, btw.  Athleticism…or even just doing more than wanting to cook for you is not my strong point) and I’m gaining weight now?  Also, given my Norwegian-American luck, my body has still likely retained its inability to lose weight.  Perrrrrrrrfect.  Itsss fine.

Also, these things are inconsequential.  Like, really.  There are way more important things happening both in my life and in the world.  And thats something else I’m struggling with.  I completely understand minor things in my life are just that…minor.  But they are still a part of my life.  Scientists are forecasting continually increasing rates of volcanic eruptions in the coming years as global climate change progresses, but for today, its still tricky to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with my half useless face.  We’re a part of a global community.  We are one body in Christ.  But we are still individuals.  How do these facts align?

Also…go watch the 1976 Sean Connery film, Robin and Marian.  Really.

“I like your medicine.  There’s no pain at all.”

There’s room left in the house. There’s food left in the pantry.

Sometimes I dont know what to think.

A lot of times actually.

I wonder what I’m hiding behind.  What of my thoughts, beliefs, and words are just my efforts to find something to hide behind.  My universal night light to keep away what I’m afraid of and to make me feel safe.  A sort of top tier Maslow need.

What do we do that is genuine?  What is love?  Is reason the answer or is faith?  Sense or sensibility?  Is hard science the answer or is it really the inward music?  Was Pasternak (via Zhivago) right?  Is it really beauty that sets us apart, that lifts us up beyond what we were?  Is it when we fall into that feeling that we’re truly free?  Or is that when we’re most enslaved, seeking anything, any gilding to cover up the realities of life?  Do we close our eyes to avoid facing reality or is it in closing our eyes that we can finally move past what isn’t true?

These are things I want to believe:

“But don’t you see, this is just the point – what has for centuries raised man above the beast is not the cudgel but an inward music: the irresistible power of unarmed truth, the powerful attraction of its example.” (Boris Pasternak)

“One sees clearly only with the heart.  Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.” (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)

But I’m afraid of being wrong.


Post Script

Also…its just a cell phone.  There are more important things.  I’m not that mad.  But in the spirit of our capitalist market, you have options and I’m just putting the word out there:  Check Verizon off your list of options.  Seriously.  Go make a list.  And cross it out.

Capitalism. Free Market. Expressed Anger.

I’m asserting my rights as a consumer to encourage all of my (2-5) blog readers that buying Verizon is quite possibly the worst choice you could make.  I mean, as far as cell phone choices go.  When it comes right down to it, there are a whole host of other entirely non-cell phone related choices that would probably cause you much more heartache and hassle.  So, no…don’t try to catch the raccoon that is foaming at the mouth, and don’t buy this phone.

I’d tell you what its called, but I can’t remember.  Its a Samsung and is probably out of production because it is characterized chiefly by short battery life and an uncanny ability to breakdown just after your warranty ends.  Now, before I got this phone, I’ve had problems with Verizon.  Less than helpful customer service, limited reception in Kirksville, and a few months of mistakes on the phone bill (for which my mom spent many hours to fix.  thanks Mom, you’re a champ) but this current phone really takes the cake.

I got it back in March of last year.  From the beginning, I had problems with the battery life.  It required charging multiple times a day.  After a few trips back and forth from the Verizon store, a few replacement phones and a battery change, I managed to end up with a phone that could last a day, maybe even two without a charge.  That should have been my first warning.  Then since the beginning of this year, my phone has decided about once a day to have this problem where the screen goes fuzzy.  I can still see stripes of colour and the phone still worked, but you couldnt see anything on the screen so it was basically out of commission.   Like I said, this happened about once a day, lasted about twenty minutes, then went back to normal.  But in the last few weeks, its started to last longer and longer.  Today, it stayed fuzzy for about 6 hours.  This finally got my rear in gear and I took the phone to Verizon for a check up.

As soon as I showed the customer service rep my phone, he immediately knew what was going on, said it was a typical problem of the phone and that my phone would soon shut down all together.  I figured, hey, this is a good start.  Its obviously not my fault and lots of people with this phone have the same problem, so surely they’ll be sympathetic.  Nope.  I was told that the best they could do for me was allow me to pay twenty dollars so I could buy another of their phones.  Uh…? I was not pleased.  It seems to me that Verizon created a low quality product, charged more for it, and is now asking the customer to make up for that.

The moral of the story is, whether I like it or  not, I’m a citizen of the United States, so dear “Free Market”, please take Verizon to task for being (at the best of times) merely an adequate cellular service provider.  Sincerely, Lynnea “I just had to get this rant off my chest”  Erickson

I’d take you out for coffee

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the priest in Chocolat.  The movie follows the life of a woman and her daughter who have just moved to a small town in rural France.  The woman, Vianne, opens a chocolaterie and proceeds to turn the small town way of life upside down.

In the film, during the young priest’s Easter homily, he mentions the idea that love and life should not be measured by what we don’t do and by who we exclude.  I think this hits home for me and probably for a lot of people.  Its easy to measure our worth and our self-control by what we can keep ourselves from doing.  Its almost easier to work in the negative.  If only I can keep myself from eating this or saying that or doing x, y, and z then I’ll have proved, I am strong.

But maybe our strength, our love, and even our self-control flow from what we allow ourselves to do.  And from who we include.  Maybe life is measured not in what we can keep ourselves from, but from what we open ourselves up to.  Maybe we should live lives of addition, not subtraction.

“I’m not sure what the theme of my homily today ought to be. Do I want to speak of the miracle of Our Lord’s divine transformation? Not really, no. I don’t want to talk about His divinity. I’d rather talk about His humanity. I mean, you know, how He lived His life, here on Earth. His *kindness*, His *tolerance*… Listen, here’s what I think. I think that we can’t go around… measuring our goodness by what we don’t do. By what we deny ourselves, what we resist, and who we exclude. I think… we’ve got to measure goodness by what we *embrace*, what we create… and who we include.”

Can I live my Lord’s divinity?  Not really no.  But his humanity?  Absolutely.