Mo[u]rning

Today I’m dressed in black because you’re gone.  The world feels bleaker.  Darker.  Infinitely more frightening and lonely.

When I was with you, I dared to hope.  In your words, in the feel of your hand on the small of my back, in your quiet gentle smile, I found the courage to believe again.  Being with you felt like coming home.

You taught us how to love.  How to love in word and deed.  How to look at our neighbour and see ourselves.  You taught us to celebrate and rejoice.  You showed us how to mourn.  To weep for the brokenness that surrounds us like a mother weeping for her children.

I trusted you.  I believed that this time, things would be different.  I hoped, as I hadn’t let myself hope for years.  Your promises gave me wings.

And now its all come crashing down.  And the fall hurts so much more.  I shouldn’t have believed.  How could I be foolish to believe that love could conquer hate?  That truth and beauty would crown creation?  That we mattered because we were?  Why did I give in to the hope that there was more?  That you were more.

Because today it’s Friday.  Today you’re gone.  Dead.  And today I’m empty.

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