Last night was difficult. There was a lot of pain going on and for the first time I chose to respect the glass barrier that kept me from it. I’m not sure I like what that says about me. I pray for broken walls and redemption. A sort of Jericho. But I’ve lost those old maps and you packed away your trumpet. I know there has to be hope.
I was up until 4 am finishing a paper. The closest I’ve come in my life to an all-nighter. And now I’m up again at 7h45 to dress up and present. Its an act, but I think I’ve made enough sacrifices that the gods of lackadaisical students owe me something. I’m so close to done with this semester. Who would have expected. I don’t know that I really believed in the existence of December after all, yet here it is.
I haven’t seen the weather. I haven’t even looked out the window. Its blocked by the Christmas tree and I have no desire to change that. I’ll lose the world in these twinkling lights.
How many times is too many times to wear the same sweater dress? I’m just not interested in finding new clothes right now. I want wool wrapping me from head to toe. I want to be warm and cocooned. I want cotton and clouds and all things that are soft.
I want to stick my hand in your side and be told who you are right now. And you rebuke me one last time as your pretty doubting Thomas.