I’m writing a blog post and its not because I’m avoiding a paper that I don’t want to do. Well, I guess if I really think about it, I should be working on my two term papers or my capstone. But I just finished a whole damn paper, so I’m refusing to think about it.
This is what I’m thinking about instead. Missing things. Nostalgia hit hard tonight. Is nostalgia the right word? I don’t know. It doesn’t feel like an ache. And its not a desire for a return to an old life. Its just…well I don’t know if there is a word for it, so nostalgia is the word I am going to use. I’m sure you know what I mean.
I miss my old Asian-style furniture. Its tucked away in my garage for a day when I’m not moving so frequently, as its too heavy to drag around every twelve months, but oh is it beautiful.
I miss Jenny Wilborn’s crazy eye.
I miss Sallay Abu, tonight especially the little Sallay Abu I first met almost three years ago. The little girl who would pee all over my bed, who never had clean clothes and whose hair was orange around her temples. I miss how her small hand never failed to find mine. My constant companion. I miss the ways she would fall asleep in my arms after wearing herself out from being too grumpy. I miss the ways she would start laughing when one of the big boys would toss her around. I miss her daredevil, individualistic personality. I miss her sass.
I miss dark blue skies and unashamedly blasting bad music.
I’ve grown so much. But tonight I wonder where this nostalgia could take me. It feels like a balloon in my chest that could grow and sweep me off my feet and I’d leave this house of cards I’ve built behind. Right now, memory makes me feel light and I think I could fly.
But who knows if I’d ever land.