Stress Headache

What would be easier?

Not being in love with someone who is 280  miles away would be easier.  I wouldn’t have to miss the sound of his voice or the feel of his hand on the small of my back.  There wouldn’t be so much pressure on the short time we have together, or the right way to act when we’re apart.  There would be no one’s feelings to consider. I could make my plans and throw the rest of the world to the wind.  I’d have no one to think about but myself.

Easier, but not better.

I’d be missing the best friend who always listens to my dreams, plans, and stories.  Who holds me when I cry and who believes I can do anything.  I’d miss shared memories, nervous laughter, first kisses.  There would be no gentle face to turn to when the world seems too big, too dark, too unkind.  I’d miss the harmony line in all my songs and I’d never have read On the Road.  I’d drift in a selfish world with less color, less variety, less excitement.  More stability, more predictability, yes, but less adventure.

This isn’t confined to romance.  What is my life without the risk, the reckless behaviour of love?

It’d be easier to live alone, confined to a paycheck and whatever diversion seems the least threatening.  It’d be easier not to care about a little girl in Sierra Leone.  It would be easier to not try to maintain friendships across states and countries.  I could stop calculating time zones and searching for the cheapest plane tickets.  It’d be easier to not care about malaria nets and hunger.  To ignore gender-based violence in refugee camps.  It would be easier to not love something that can cause you pain.

Easier, but not better.

Our lives are meant to be reckless.  We’re never promised a tomorrow.  We never get the final piece of the puzzle.  We’re lucky if we ever put together the whole border.  We don’t know what is coming and we have to take a chance.  We have to stand through the pain and stand with each other.  Its the only way the world works.

And that is the only thing I know.

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