still sorry

what is the proper balance for being honest about things that have happened that leave scars and not living in the past?  how do you look at something and say ‘this happened and it hurt me’ or ‘this happened and i hurt myself’ but not be defined by that?

i want to walk away from my past.  from the scars and identities i picked up along the way.  i don’t want to be afraid.  i don’t want to have to explain myself.  i just want to be okay.  but i also want to be real.  i have to be real.  it means the world to me that i can be that way with some people.  but i just don’t know what i’m doing.

i don’t want to be broken.  i just want to live now.  i want to look at the world and say ‘its okay, i can make it now.’  i want to be neither in the past nor the future. just live today.  live fully today.  but i also don’t want to be avoiding my scars because i am afraid of them or afraid of sharing them with you.

the last twelve hours made the world so much more complicated that it had been. everybody is hurting.  when will we be okay?

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