Still I am Ungrateful

Today I have clean air to breathe and sunshine on my already sun-kissed skin.  Today my niece kissed my cheek and blew bubbles my way.  Today I drank a good beer and got a pedicure.  Today I remembered my friends’ accomplishments and I felt proud.  Today I read beauty out of the Odyssey and I felt hopeful.  Today I felt like I could capture forever in a photograph. Or maybe a tall bottle.

Today I remembered that the world is a mess.  And that there is something beautiful about that.  That when we paint in the dark blues and blood reds, it brings depth and passion and makes the oranges, yellows, and pinks more meaningful.   I remembered that pain doesn’t break love and that neither the past nor the future mean anything. Today I remembered today.

Today I remembered that we’re not alone.   I remembered that we’re all screwed up.  We’re all afraid.  We’re all trying to find something.  And we’re all doing it together.  So don’t judge, don’t hate, and don’t fear.  Stop trying to fix everything.  Because maybe that brokenness is beautiful.  Just be.  And I’ll be too.  And we’ll be together.

Today I remembered life is not a dinner party.  We’re not going to retire to the study for brandy and cigars.  Life is a rainy day and you left your umbrella on the opposite side of campus.  Life is getting messy and wet and tousled. Life is lying naked on the roof while your clothes dry in the sun.  Life is walking through a corn field.  Life is paper cuts and broken toes and dehydration.  Life is what happens when you let go of the need to try so damn hard.

Today, you provided for me.  Today, your words were my breath and your sunshine was my blanket.  So I didn’t take that photograph.  And I didn’t stopper that bottle.  Because I’m hoping tomorrow will be another today.


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