I’m all sorts of messy these days. I have complications coming from every direction. Cardinal, ordinal, inward, outward. I’m projecting and receiving mess. And mostly I’m okay with it. Hot mess, right? It could that I am inherently lazy, apathetic, or selfish. But it could be that I’m free, unconstrained, reckless, bold. And I choose to believe the latter. And I’m living just fine with my mess, thank you. It teaches me to take one day at a time. To appreciate the ephemeral.
But how are you living with my mess? This worries me. Because I’m not an island unto myself. My life, my choices, they affect other people. Even strangers are affected by my actions daily, perhaps more deeply than I know. And the people close to me, even more so. I have so many incredible people in my life. Some I’ve known for years, some for only days. And while my messy life, my beautiful disaster zone, may work for me, or at least may be ground I can live and breathe and learn in, it may hurt them. I’ve seen that before. And I don’t know how i draw the line between living my own life and making my own choices and protecting the lives I’ve been entrusted with.
Blessed are the piecemakers. The world needs more people who put shit together.