Sometimes I feel like I just can’t look back. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. Its too hard. There are some things I want to hold onto. Some things I want to forget. The past is dangerous. I don’t know what to do with it. Its ironic that, as a historian, I can’t handle the past. Every single choice we make, no matter how small, changes everything. And there are no “do overs”. You can’t go back and fix things, re-do. Every single thought, word, and action changes everything. Every decision we make has such monumental consequences. No matter how big or small, life is a web and every string is connected to another. Life is a pool and the smallest pebble creates ripples. And you don’t have time to stop and think. Life won’t wait for you to make the right decision. All you can do is ride it out.
And I don’t know how to do that.