a book I’ve never read

I’ve been thinking about Cain and Abel, sitting at the breakfast table.

Actually, I’ve been thinking about fountains.  And fig trees.  And art.  And how life is a series of choices.  And how those choices have consequences.  The same thing I’ve thought about a million times before.  Sitting in my fig tree knowing that I can really only pick one fig.  And even if they all look good, and would all be good in their own way, if I just sit in the tree, wondering which one is best, they’ll all go bad.  I’m explaining this badly.  Go read The Bell Jar.  (I will too.  How embarrassing.  The analogy I practically base my life on is from a book I haven’t even read.)  But really…sometimes you just have to do shit.  Even if its in the wrong direction, you just have to keep moving.   Live your life.  Don’t wait around for things to fall into place.  Make your place.

“Even though it went wrong, I’ll stand before the Lord of song with nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah”

Also, I think I’ve finally decided on a path for grad school.  If I can pass my GREs.  And get into the right program.  Oh lordy.  Also, RLBC women’s retreat this weekend.  So ready for that.  3rd annual.  In my egocentric world at least.  I’m loving how much of my life is spent with the people I love these days.  The rugged American cowboy life doesn’t work for me.  I need people.  And I think thats a good thing?  I’m learning to feel that way.

There is still a bit of your face I haven’t kissed.  You step a little closer each day.

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