7/29/09

humility.  pride.  purity.  passion. unconditional love.  kindness.  empathy.  fearlessness.  perfection.

perfect love casts out fear.

What do you have to offer?

People are not business transactions.  I’ve been realizing lately how much I disagree with the word ‘to offer’ when used in the context of people’s gifts, abilities, and relationships.  You hear this all the time.  You can attend seminars on how to not waste your gifts.  College is full of messages on discovering what you have to offer the world. When considering relationships, we often ask “what do I have to offer?” or “what does he/she have to offer me?”

As if we were given gifts like wisdom, hospitality, or beauty, merely to see what we could get in exchange for them.  Or that their only value lies in what you can get for them.

Exchanging.  Instead of money, we offer the only the we have, ourselves.  To our friends, to our families, to our world.

So we get lost in this game of trying to have enough.  Our value becomes defined by what we do and we find we’re not engaging in communities, we’re running through a maze of business transactions where if you give me A, I’ll give you B.

Love is not an equation, where if you put in this, you’ll get out that.  There is not a list of steps and there are no requirements.  Love is beautiful because it has no expectations.  No definitions.  No pricetag.

I can’t earn love by being beautiful.  I can’t earn love by being the funniest, or the most self-confident, the smartest, or the most servant hearted.  I can’t gain the world’s approval by climbing the corporate ladder, by volunteering the most, or by a long string of successes.

Those things are always wiped away.  Beauty fades, trends change.  If we keep trying to give and give and earn and earn, we’ll grow exhausted.  We’ll lose ourability to use our talents the way we were meant to.  When ablity becomes currency, it is no longer ability.  When love beomes a tradable substance, its lost the core of what made it love.

So stop asking what you have to offer.  Stop trying to earn what rightful should already be given.  What has been given.  If God doesn’t ask us to earn his love, why do we try to earn others?  Or ask them to earn ours?

What is good enough?

Juicy Peach

I love Eighties work out tapes. Yes, I will sweat to the oldies with Richard Simmons.

My cuticles hurt.  A lot.

Stolen Goods

I was just reading a friend’s blog and came across an old post of hers, I think from our first tour weekend of Awaken.  It seemed overwhelmingly beautiful to me.

Lovely, you are new.

I am bruised, my hands are cut and scraped
My feet hurt, I kind of limp when I walk
My back hurts.

Lovely, you are new.

“God will call you by name, and he will tell you truth.”

Lovely, you are new.

I do what I want?

It would have been great to figure out what I want to do with my life before two years into college.  Can I just start over?  With a few miracles, I could possibly finish this new program in two years.  But that would mean taking 2-3 science classes each semester.  And I still have my original major to finish as well.

So…plunge in and do this?  Or be “sensible” and give up on this?

I found an old picture of Jacy. So, its been a good day.

Today I cleaned out a random junk box that has been under my bed for at least 3/4 of my short life.  Do the math.  It was a treasure trove of sorts, yielding up old Dennis Rodman trading cards, a Secret Garden poster (signed, no less), postcards, and an old picture of Jacy from a camping trip when she hadn’t showered for days.  Her hair stood straight up then too.

Amongst the fun and funny stuff was scattered old pictures, letters, and junk that I had shoved in the box under my bed on one of those days when I had refused to deal with it.  And then I kept refusing to deal with it.  And the box stayed safely under my bed.  It was always there, but out of sight.

But today I dealt with it.  All I need now is a garbage bag.  My life is a little more organized now, a little easier to deal with.  A few years from now, that box will come back out from under the bed, and I’ll do the same thing all over again.  Its never a guarantee that new things won’t get shoved in that box.  But if I’m okay with my life being a mess, I have to be okay with cleaning it up from time to time.  No matter how much you don’t want to face some of the shit in the box, eventually you have to.  Because then its done.  Done.

Now, I need to go find an address, so I can use my kickin’ postcards.

Cafe B

Today while at work, a regular, who is also a resident hippie, spoke to me about a variety of topics, including whether or not you can claim non profit status on lottery winnings.  On the subject of money, our society’s obsession with it, and its arguable value, he mentioned that “in the grand scheme of things, our universe is just a speck in the cosmos, but its our speck.”

I liked that.

Conspiracy Theorists

I heard a rumor.  A rumor that I very much hope to be true.  Michael Jackson faked his own death.  Ipso facto, he would still be alive.  Maybe he really needs some time free from distraction to work on a whiz bang new album that will rocket him back to the top of the charts.

Of course…I thought all this when Heath Ledger died too.  I was convinced it was a publicity stunt for Batman.  Then he didn’t show up at the movie’s premier and I started to wonder if perhaps I was wrong….

Also, I think the government may have stolen my camera battery charger cord from my luggage recently.